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Opinion: I Am Happy to Announce My Retirement from Running Microsoft…Oh and Also I Killed John F. Kennedy

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Obama Calls on Nation to Shut the Hell Up for One Second So He Can Think

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LEAKED: ‘Superman vs. Batman’ Film to Feature Heroes Having Sex with Each Other for 90 Minutes

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Opinion: A Little Bit About Myself

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Nothing at All Happening in Youngstown, North Carolina

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Report: Society Still Dealing With Same Old Bullshit

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Secret FISA Court Rules Itself Constitutional

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Poll: 95% of Zimbabweans Looking Around to See if Anyone Else Will Start Protesting Elections First

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Opinion: Some Helpful Reminders for Your Upcoming Trip to Africa or the Middle East

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New Google Product Lets You Sync Your Shit

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Opinion: To My Remaining Fans, I Have to Ask What I Could Possibly Do to Disappoint You More

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NSA Officials Organize Top-Secret Office Birthday Party

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MLB Announces Steroid Era Hall of Fame

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Bored Edward Snowden Begins Practicing Stand-Up Routine in Sheremetyevo Airport Baggage Claim

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Kerry Advances Israel-Palestinian Communication to Facial Gestures

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Rolling Stone Editor: “If You Think the Cover is Bad, Wait Until You See the Rest of the Issue”

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Opinion: George Zimmerman? Never Heard Of The Guy!

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Opinion: I Have Nothing Useful to Contribute to the National Conversation on the George Zimmerman Trial

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