Obama Calls on Nation to Shut the Hell Up for One Second So He Can Think
Download PDF
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

In a press conference delivered earlier today, President Barack Obama addressed concerns about national security and the economy by calling for citizens of the United States to shut the hell up for one second so he can try to figure out a plan.

“I just need a minute. One Goddamn minute,” the President lamented to the group of reporters as he shook his head. “How am I supposed to solve the nation’s problems when you guys are in my face constantly?”


The announcement came after a reporter asked Obama how his plan for lowering education costs for students would allow colleges to continue operations with their budgets already severely limited by federal and state funding. Following the question, the president began to tear up and he banged his fist on the podium.

“I don’t know! Ok? Are you happy?” he yelled as he held up his arms in exasperation. “I’m just trying to help, but it’s so damn frustrating when every time I sit down to try and think of an idea to help this nation I have millions of people criticizing me.”

“When I thought about bringing troops into Syria, people told me I was starting a new Iraq War. I decided to wait to get more information, and people told me I was ignoring human rights concerns. Do you think you can do this job? To the people who write columns critiquing my policy no matter what I do, do you want to be President? Huh? Here, why don’t you come on up here and take the most stressful job on the planet and let’s see if anyone criticizes you?”

Get JD Journal in Your Mail

Subscribe to our FREE daily news alerts and get the latest updates on the most happening events in the legal, business, and celebrity world. You also get your daily dose of humor and entertainment!!

Following this announcement, Obama was escorted off the podium and senior White House officials noted that reporters should not attempt to come up to the podium and become President of the United States. Shortly after, Vice President Joe Biden arrived to speak on Obama’s behalf and offer his take on the President’s condition.

“Look guys, Barry is going through a real tough time right now. He’s a very sensitive dude…and he needs your support right now just as much as you need his. The man is trying the best he can and that’s all we can ask of him.”

Following the press conference, reporters followed a teary Obama back to his limousine where he buried his head in his hands and asked everyone to leave him alone.

This article is satirical and does not represent factual reporting.


Interesting Legal Sites You May Like




Search Now

Mid-level Litigation Attorney

USA-CA-San Francisco

San Francisco office is seeking a mid-level litigation attorney with experience taking/defending dep...

Apply Now

Mid-level Litigation Attorney

USA-CA-San Francisco

San Francisco office is seeking a support attorney with some experience/familiarity with a litigatio...

Apply Now

Patent Prosecution Attorney


Northville office of our client seeks patent prosecution attorney with 5 years of experience. The ca...

Apply Now

Trademark and Copyright Associate Attorney

USA-CA-San Francisco

San Francisco office of our client seeks trademark and copyright associate attorney with 4-8 years o...

Apply Now


Attorney - Insurance Defense


Downtown litigation law firm seeks associate with 3 to 5 years of experience in insurance defense, i...

Apply now

Legal Secretary-Cannabis Law Firm


Vora, PLLC. Is accepting applications for a Legal Secretary or Paralegal. We are a cannabis law firm...

Apply now

Paralegal- Cannabis Law Firm


Vora, PLLC. Is accepting applications for a Paralegal or Legal Secretary. We are a cannabis law...

Apply now

Legal Administrative Assistant


Under the general direction of the supervising attorney(s) and according to established Firm policie...

Apply now


To Top