Weird News

Oklahoma Motorist Covered in Vaseline and Up to No Good
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Summary: A motorist in Oklahoma caught speeding was covered in Vaseline to make masturbating easier while he drove.

An Oklahoma patrolman got an unpleasant sight when he pulled over a motorist for speeding. The Garfield County Sheriff’s Office deputy found the driver wearing only a thong bikini and covered in Vaseline. The deputy noted that a porno magazine was sitting on the passenger seat.


While the officer was probably hoping for a simple routine traffic stop in the city of Enid, he got to deal with a “nearly naked white male driver.” The man behind the wheel was John Wayne Kellerman, 54. The deputy, Darryl Beebe, noted that he “had a bikini thong covering his genitals” with Vaseline “covering his hands, upper and lower body parts.” There was an “opened jar of Vaseline that was nearly empty” and a “pornographic magazine in the passenger seat.”

Beebe reported that the driver was “extremely nervous in a manner that his hands were shaking and his voice was trembling.” Not surprisingly, Kellerman gave a Vaseline-covered ID card to Beebe when asked for identification. Kellerman was allegedly going 57 mph in a 45 mph zone.

The deputy developed a sense that perhaps Kellerman had been multitasking while driving. He asked Kellerman if he had been masturbating while driving, which he admitted to. In the probable cause affidavit, Beebe detailed how Kellerman offered him “a rag to wipe the Vaseline off of the ID card” but he “refused Kellerman’s ‘semen rag’ and returned to his patrol car.”

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Upon investigation of Kellerman’s license, Deputy Beebe learned that his license had been revoked and in fact had not been valid since 1985, according to The Smoking Gun. Kellerman was arrested, although that was a task that Kellerman likely didn’t want to do.

Kellerman’s rap sheet involves a variety of charges for domestic assault, auto theft, narcotics possession, burglary, and escape from confinement. He spent a vast majority of the last 27 years in state prison for these crimes.

He was arraigned Thursday for driving with a revoked license and speeding. Kellerman was released on $1,000 bond.

The police sergeant with the lovely job of entering Kellerman’s vehicle into inventory also noted that “the drivers area in the vehicle was extremely greasy due to the Vaseline.”

What would you have done if you found a motorist in the same condition as Kellerman? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

To learn more about other weird incidents involving motorists, read these articles:




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