Law Life

Opinion: I Don’t Care if the World is Watching, I Will Not Pretend to Enjoy These Thanksgiving Ceremonies
Download PDF
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

by Malia Obama

Ok, enough is enough already. I need to be blunt for a moment. As the daughter of the President of the United States, I have to put up with a lot of ceremonial bullshit. Day after day I am dragged to award presentations, commemorations, memorials, blah, blah, blah, basically whatever event some self-conscious group who feels absent from the national spotlight throws together so we can all pretend we care for an hour or two. And like a self-respecting preteen role model ought to do, I always give my best smile and bring out the twinkle in my eyes to show the country I am mature, respectful, and a straight up darling quite frankly.

  
What
Where


But the truth is, I can only take so much. At each one, I become less and less inspired, as they begin to meld together into a hazy patchwork of decorative plaques and self-important speeches. And I’m losing my patience.

It wasn’t so tough in the early years…the whole process was still new and I just assumed I was supposed to do what the people in suits were telling me I ought to. But over time, I realized that no one, including my father, actually gave the slightest damn about these events. It was facade after facade, memorizing a few key words (e,g., ‘navy’, ‘heroes’, ‘good job’) and giving a quick comment and a flashing my pearly whites before heading back to the white house to immediately forget everything I had just promised to remember forever.

So this time I am taking a stand. I will not be smiling innocently as I stand out in the freezing cold in Washington, or Arlington, or wherever the hell dad needs his Turkey day photo opp. This time I am going to act like a kid, dammit. I am going to complain about how boring it is. I am going to cry and ask that we go home. And I’m going to do it in front of the whole nation.

Get JD Journal in Your Mail

Subscribe to our FREE daily news alerts and get the latest updates on the most happening events in the legal, business, and celebrity world. You also get your daily dose of humor and entertainment!!




I already know what my mom is going to say: “Malia, this is a holiday in which we are supposed to give thanks…aren’t you thankful for all you’ve been given?” Not going to work this year. At every occasion there’s some lame excuse. Something like  “These veterans died for you, Malia”, “If it weren’t for Martin Luther King Jr. there could never be a black family in the white house, Malia”, or “You don’t have to be Jewish to appreciate the message of Sukkot, Malia.”

Well let me just say right up front I am not thankful for the opportunity to spend yet another holiday pretending to care at all about some tradition or group of people who need my affection. Suck it up, guys. I am not dressing up in a turkey costume, I am not helping to give food at a homeless shelter, and I am definitely not listening to some old fat white dude talk about the proud history of this holiday. I am going to relax, watch some football, and eat some turkey in peace. If I can just have a holiday to myself for once, well, that would really be something to be thankful for.



Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting



 

RELEVANT JOBS

Legal Assistant

USA-LA-Baton Rouge

Legal Assistant/Paralegal needed for fast paced Downtown Personal Injury firm. Duties will include c...

Apply now

Real Estate Attorney - in house

USA-CA-San Diego

Are you looking to work with a company who believes in celebrating differences and empowering each o...

Apply now

Paralegal / Office Manager

USA-GA-Atlanta

Baker Jenner LLLP is a growing multi-disciplinary practice looking for a litigation paralegal with a...

Apply now

Associate Attorney

USA-FL-Fort Lauderdale

NOW HIRING ASSOCIATES! Candidates must be admitted and be a practicing attorney or recently admitted...

Apply now

BCG FEATURED JOB

Locations:

Keyword:



Search Now

Patent Agent

USA-NC-Durham

Durham office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks a patent agent with 2-6 years of ex...

Apply Now

Patent Agent

USA-NC-Raleigh

Raleigh office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks a patent agent with 2-6 years of e...

Apply Now

Patent Agent

USA-NC-Winston Salem

Winston Salem office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks a patent agent with 2-6 year...

Apply Now

SEARCH IN ARCHIVE

To Top