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Pictures of People Next to Short Blurbs in Which They Discuss Owls
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“My favorite species of owl has to be the Pel’s Fishing Owl. They have beautiful coats that turn spotted in the fall, and if you ever have the opportunity to hear their mating call you will know you are in the presence of the birds of God.”

“I have never seen an owl in real life, but I have always been intrigued by them in photos and movies. I would love to one day get a chance to see one in the wild. Perhaps if I keep practicing my owl calls, I will be able to meet one soon!”

“Owls are nature’s greatest treasure. We must do whatever we can, at all costs, to make sure this impeccable species survives long past all others. We must sacrifice our children’s lives to ensure the continued flourishing of the owls. There is no other option.”


“I was travelling in the backwoods of Indiana when I was greeted by a mysterious spirit guide- you betcha, an owl. It cooed and darted its eyes to the North, and I immediately understood it was warning me of some danger in that direction. Highway robbers? Bears? Vicious killer owls? To this day I know not what waited for me in that direction, and I have my owl friend to thank for that.”

“What’s the big deal about owls? That’s what I used to say, before I was introduced to the noble species of bird by my cousin Margaret. At the time she was working on an organic owl farm, and for Christmas she bought me one of those elegant birds for us to fry up with some potatoes. It was the best Christmas dinner ever!”

“What I wonder is, do we really need the owls? Sure, I understand why mankind has come to appreciate their splendor and utilize their noble grace as a source of inspiration, but I can’t help wonder if our fascination with the birds has prevented us from pursuing more important ideals. I mean…what is it that owls actually do to benefit our species?”

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“You can’t put a price on an owl…not without a firm understanding of the economics of the owl trade. The market is dominated by a few corporate entities that control trading posts in owl-rich territories like Sweden and the American Northwest. They gather product from independent farmers who they subsidize with various incentives to protect them against low harvest seasons, and as a result of this the price rises to about $147 per pound.”

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect real peoples’ perspectives on owls.


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