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Edward Snowden Denied Entrance to Holiday Inn Express in Moscow

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Sources are reporting that Edward Snowden has continued to face difficulty in his search for accommodation, recently being denied admittance to a Holiday Inn Express at the Sheremetyevo International Airport.

Speaking to reporters this morning, Boris Yegorov, who co-owns the lodging with his wife, noted that he does not think admitting Snowden to stay at the hotel would reflect well on his business.

“I don’t like that guy. He seems very sneaky. Maybe if he stays here he will start spying on staff, or cause problems at pool. I don’t want any trouble.”

Yegorov’s wife, Dominika, was also immediately suspicious of Snowden when he entered the lobby. She maintains that she is not responsible for providing an explanation to the public.

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“We have the authority to deny entrance to whoever we wish. As soon as he walked through the door, I knew something was wrong. He has little rat eyes. And when his credit card was declined, I said to Boris- ‘This man will not stay in my hotel’. He can find somewhere else to stay.”

Snowden has not released a statement on this rejection, but fellow leaker Julian Assange released a comment on Wikileaks:

“Holiday Inn, a subsidiary of Intercontinental Hotels Group, has a long history of denying adequate service to global heroes, namely me. I once stayed at one in Croatia, and not only were the blankets uncomfortable but the breakfast was entirely microwaved.”

This marks the fourth time that Snowden has been removed from the premises of a hotel in Moscow. Most recently, he was removed from the обморожения мотель (‘Frostbite Motel’) for racking up the lodging’s phone bill with calls to Venezuela, Bolivia, Norway, and other nations. Ironically, sources are reporting that the motel staff use the same technology as the NSA to monitor their outgoing calls.

With yet another hurdle in his search for accommodation, Snowden may be forced to discover a nontraditional source of lodging. A local news bureau in Moscow is reporting that he recently called Vladmir Putin to ask if he could stay with him. According to the report, Putin responded by laughing heartily for a full minute before hanging up the phone.

Note: This article is satirical and is not based on factual reporting.

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Jonah Lustig Posted by on July 9, 2013. Filed under Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

 

 

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