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Opinion: Wait, I Think Something Went Wrong
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by Pete Seeger

Hello? Can anyone hear me? This is Pete Seeger, singer/songwriter and pioneer of the folk movement in the United States.

  
What
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If you thought that I died a few weeks ago, well, I did too. For a while. You see, I had been real sick lately and thought my time was coming. Death seemed to be creeping at my door every day. One day I was feeling extra sick and tired, and I thought for sure my time was just about up.

So there I was, laying in my bed, when my vision starts to go black in my peripheries. Then it became harder to breathe, and I feel a vibrating sensation.

Suddenly, I think I saw that light everyone talks about. Yes, I’m pretty sure it was that same light. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, let me tell you. I felt an overwhelming sensation that I was in the presence of some grand divine mystery.

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So needless to say, I thought it was going pretty well. I headed toward the light feeling pretty good about this whole ‘dying’ thing.

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But then something weird happened. Suddenly there was this bizarre flickering noise following by beeping and whistles, and my momentum stopped. I’ve been floating here in this weird tunnel thing ever since, and now that it’s been quite a while I’m starting to think something went wrong.

I can still see the ‘light’. It’s right over there. I just don’t really know how I’m supposed to get there now. Before I was being pushed by something, a strange ghostly momentum, but now I’m just stuck here.

I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m in purgatory. Right? Well I thought of that, but I don’t think it makes sense. If there’s something left I have to do to decide my fate I don’t know how I could accomplish it by just sitting here. And it doesn’t explain the weird noises…I was definitely hearing a choir when I first started drifting but then it sounded like a conveyor belt had malfunctioned.

I know it seems kind of silly to ask but if anyone out there has any experience with this kind of thing I would really appreciate the help. I’m not sure how you could reach me…in fact I’m not sure if anyone can even hear this.

But if you can, maybe call the police…or the CIA or something? I really don’t know. Ghost experts, or maybe religious folks? Really if there’s anyone who thinks they have any idea what the problem is here that would be great.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to keep waiting…

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect the true opinions of any real deceased persons.



 

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