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Opinion: What the Hell is Going on Right Now?!
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by Fargam, the Iranian Monkey Launched into Space

OH MY GOD. THIS IS CRAZY. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?! WHERE THE HELL AM I? WHAT THE….OH MY GOD WHAAAAAAAAT?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

  
What
Where


AM I IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW? THE FREAKING SKY? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? HOW DID I GET IN THE SKY? I’VE SEEN BIRDS IN THE SKY BEFORE…BUT A MONKEY? THIS IS CRAZY! THIS IS SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW!! I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!

OHHH SHIT NOW IT’S GETTING EVEN WEIRDER. I THINK…I THINK I PASSED THE SKY. I THINK I AM HIGHER THAN THE SKY. AND NOW I AM FLOATING…OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD MY FEET ARE NOT TOUCHING THE GROUND AND I AM JUST HANGING HERE I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!

OH NO…I MUST BE DYING! THAT IS THE ONLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION. OF COURSE! I GUESS THIS IS HOW IT ENDS. I GUESS I HAVE LEFT MY BODY ON EARTH, AND AM NOW A GHOST MONKEY SOUL OR SOME SHIT…UP IN THE SKY…

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…I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME A CLUE! GOD, ARE YOU THERE? IS THIS HEAVEN? PLEASE GOD, I AM JUST A HUMBLE MONKEY. I KNOW I’VE MADE MISTAKES IN MY LIFE BUT I TRIED TO BE GOOD! IS THIS SOME SORT OF TEST? IS THIS MONKEY PURGATORY?

OOHHHHH NOW EVERYTHING IS SHAKING!!! I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL!!!



GET ME F—-ING DOWN FROM HERE! I DON’T WANT TO DIE! I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN THE SKY! I JUST WANT TO GO BACK HOME…I’M SORRY…I’M SORRY…I’M SORRY MONKEY JESUS! I’M SORRY MONKEY BUDDHA! JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND I WILL DO IT…PLEASE!!!!

…WAIT…WAIT…I THINK I FEEL MYSELF GOING BACK DOWN…OH YES! YES! I AM BEING TAKEN BACK TO EARTH! I MIGHT MAKE IT OUT OF THIS THING! OH, HOORAY! THANK YOU MONKEY GOD! I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT YOU HAVE SAVED ME TODAY. I WILL BE A GOOD, RELIGIOUS….

…NO, TOO FAST! TOO FAST! OH SHIT! THIS ISN’T GOING TO WORK, I’M GOING TOO FAST! I’M GOING TO CRASH!! WHY?! WHY?! NOOOOOOOOO….

…am…am I alive? Is it over? I’m alive! I’m alive! Hahahaha! Yes! I can’t believe it…that was so crazy. Was it all a dream? But it felt so real…I don’t know. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Jesus Monkey Christ, that was terrifying!

Note: This post is fictional and is not based on actual news



 

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