Law Life

LEAKED EMAIL: Hillary Clinton Discusses 2016 Strategy with Joe Biden
Download PDF
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Our team of hackers has recently gained access to Hillary Clinton’s email database. The following represents an email sent from Clinton to Vice President Joe Biden earlier this month:

Dear Joe,

  
What
Where


My team recently informed me that you are considering running for president in 2016. Let me just say, wow, good for you. I think that’s really neat. That’s a pretty bold move on your end; and while I’m happy for you, I kind of just wish we had spoken about it in person first. Because if we did I would have said the following:

You will not fuck this up for me Joe. Got it? I will not let you ruin my moment. The next president of the United States is going to be a woman, and that woman’s name is Hillary Fucking Clinton. Is that clear?

I’ve been through too much shit to have some harebrained bumbling moron from Delaware stroll along and completely screw up my plans. I’ve endured Bill’s immaturity, I’ve pretended not to be incredibly pissed off that Barack came out of nowhere and stole my thunder in 2012, and I’ve sat through countless meetings with smelly foreign diplomats trying to hit on me as Secretary of State.

Get JD Journal in Your Mail

Subscribe to our FREE daily news alerts and get the latest updates on the most happening events in the legal, business, and celebrity world. You also get your daily dose of humor and entertainment!!




And now, now, you think I will let Joe Biden become President of the United States before I do? Please. Even you should be intelligent enough to know that I will not permit that to happen.

You see, this time I will not be letting things go to chance. Do you understand what I’m saying here, buddy? Just in case you don’t, let me be more clear: if I see one damn poll that has you within even 25% of my lead during the primary I will hire some unscrupulous individuals and they will make some REALLY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU. Hopefully that was blunt enough to make it through your thick skull and into that beer-battered glob of idiocy you call your brain.



I will do whatever it takes to destroy you. I don’t care if it means I go down with you either. I would follow you to the depths of hell, bludgeoning the shit out of you the whole way down rather than stand by and let you take what is rightfully mine.

So I suggest you give up this silly little fancy of yours and start to think about what’s best for you. And the country. And me. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll consider giving you a cabinet position. That would be a far better outcome for you, trust me.

What I’m trying to say is that Hillary Clinton will be the next President of the United States. If you feel otherwise, you better be ready for a fight. Because once 2016 rolls around, I am pulling out all of the stops. It will get ugly, it will get dirty, and frankly I don’t think you have have the stones to deal with that.

You’ve been warned,

Hillary

Note: This article is satirical and is not based on factual reporting.



 

RELEVANT JOBS

Associate Litigation Attorney

USA-CA-Irvine

The Law Offices of Samer Habbas is a high-volume, fast-paced firm seeking a motivated and driven att...

Apply now

Civil Litigation Paralegal

USA-CA-Irvine

A rapidly growing personal injury law firm is seeking a highly organized, experienced litigation par...

Apply now

Associate Attorney- Litigation

USA-MT-Missoula

About the Job: Established AV-rated Missoula law firm is seeking an articulate and ambitious asso...

Apply now

Litigation Paralegal

USA-MT-Missoula

About the Job: Established AV-rated Missoula law firm is seeking a full-time Litigation Paralegal...

Apply now

BCG FEATURED JOB

Locations:

Keyword:



Search Now

Real Estate Attorney

USA-NJ-Parsippany

Parsippany office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks real estate attorney with 5 yea...

Apply Now

Corporate Advisory Associate Attorney

USA-IL-Chicago

Chicago office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks corporate advisory associate attor...

Apply Now

Trademark and Copyright Portfolio Associate Attorney

USA-CA-San Francisco

San Francisco office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks a trademark and copyright po...

Apply Now

SEARCH IN ARCHIVE

To Top