Home

Iran Agrees to Limit Nuclear Program to “Moderately Destructive” Capabilities
Download PDF
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...

Diplomats emerged from intense discussions at Geneva this morning with encouraging news on the nuclear situation in Iran. According to several world leaders, after tense negotiations Iran signed a decree in which it would promise to  limit its nuclear arsenal to have only the capability of annihilating a medium-sized nation.

“We are happy to announce we have come to an agreement for Iran to build only moderately destructive nuclear weapons, that will cause only a modest amount of devastation and horror to humankind,” said Amir Kazemi, a spokesperson for the Iranian government.

  
What
Where


“We feel this is a victory for Iran and the rest of the world as well, with the exception being the large group of people who will be destroyed by these weapons when we decide to deploy them.”

With this agreement, Iran becomes the 74th nation to join the ‘Middle Pack’’, a name given to countries who are legally permitted under international law to develop the nuclear capability to annihilate a “fairly big country or small continent.”

In total, 179 countries have a legal permit to build nuclear arsenals. Iran had been hoping to be allowed into the group of 12 nations which are permitted to build facilities which could develop weapons to destroy the world and moon. Beyond that, three nations (China, Russia, and England) have the means to destroy the galaxy, and the United States owns an arsenal capable of wiping out the universe and several other neighboring universes as well.

Get JD Journal in Your Mail

Subscribe to our FREE daily news alerts and get the latest updates on the most happening events in the legal, business, and celebrity world. You also get your daily dose of humor and entertainment!!




Russian President Vladimir Putin, who was an avid supporter of the measure, says the agreement will help him in his quest to take over the world:

“I wanted Iran to have more nuclear weapons, and now they will, so I am happy because this is all part of my incredibly complex and ingenious plan for global domination.”



President Barack Obama could not attend the summit because his government does not exist right now, but he told the media if he could have attended he believes he would have pushed for harder limits on Iran’s programs.

“I would like to say that if I was at that summit I would not allow that measure to pass. But, it’s tough for me to say from the sidelines. Maybe all the leaders got a little tipsy and bonded over a game of Twister before completing the deal. In that situation I may have folded as well.”

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani says he has no immediate plans to act on the measure, but as member of his staff told the media the president has been smiling constantly since the announcement was made. Iranian media outlets are reporting that the government will celebrate the news by launching a few dozen missiles in the ocean.

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting



 

RELEVANT JOBS

DEPUTY STAFF COUNSEL / ATTORNEY

USA-CA-Auburn

JOIN OUR OUTSTANDING TEAM OF PROFESSIONALS! DEPUTY STAFF COUNSEL / ATTORNEY $129,615 - $165,42...

Apply now

Associate Attorney

USA-CA-Rohnert Park

Zimmerman Pavone LLP is looking for an attorney admitted to practice in California who is inter...

Apply now

Labor & Employment Partner in Houston, Austin or Dallas (Work From Home)

USA-TX-Houston

Culhane Meadows PLLC, one of the largest non-traditional distributed law firms in the country, ...

Apply now

Labor & Employment Group partner in Dallas, Austin or Houston (Work From Home)

USA-TX-Dallas

Culhane Meadows PLLC, one of the largest non-traditional distributed law firms in the country, is...

Apply now

BCG FEATURED JOB

Locations:

Keyword:



Search Now

Personal Injury Litigator

USA-VA-Fairfax

Northern Virginia office of our client is seeking a personal injury litigator with 4+ years of stron...

Apply Now

Associate Attorney

USA-CA-Larkspur

Larkspur office of our client seeks an associate attorney with 4-6 years of experience/background pr...

Apply Now

Associate Attorney

USA-MI-Bloomfield Hills

Bloomfield Hills office of a BCG Attorney Search Top Ranked Law Firm seeks an associate attorney wit...

Apply Now

SEARCH IN ARCHIVE

To Top