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Opinion: Remember That Mubarak Guy? He Was the WORST!
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by Mohamed Morsi, President of Egypt

So, I’ve been receiving a great deal of complaints lately about my leadership. Some have been saying that I have been abusing my power by expanding my authority however I please and ignoring calls for accountability and transparency in my government. People are even saying I should give up my position as president and allow for a more democratic government to take over.

  
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Well to all of my critics out there, I have only one thing to say: remember Hosni Mubarak? That guy who was president two years ago? That guy sure was awful huh?

I just happened to be thinking about him the other day, and boy did it make me mad to recall all the terrible things he did as president. It was pretty messed up that he ran the country using martial law, imprisoning whoever he felt like. And he had all of those secret camps where he would send his enemies without trials or anything…that’s just wrong. Boy, I’m sure glad we don’t have to deal with him anymore!

Now some might argue that I am not so different, and am also abusing my power to make sure my enemies are quieted and perhaps never heard from again. And while I understand why some people might feel that way, I think I need to say remember that time Mubarak used the Emergency Law as justification for having police raid the homes of civilians without a warrant and arrest whoever they feel like? That was terrible! He was a really bad guy.

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Just thinking about him makes me consider that although there has been some bumps along the way, we’ve really progressed from the time he was in power. Sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in the moment, but thinking back to what life was like under Mubarak makes me really appreciate where we are now as a nation. Let’s be honest, there is always going to be some corruption in the government, but at least we don’t have to deal with that little slimeball Mubarak, with his squinty eyes and aloof demeanor anymore! Isn’t that right guys?

So the next time you feel like doing something about the current state of affairs, just remember one thing: Mubarak. Mubarak Mubarak Mubarak. That guy was one of the worst things to ever happen to Egypt, and it’s great that we don’t have to deal with him anymore. Heck, with that guy out of the picture, the Egypt of today seems like a paradise compared to two years ago. Let’s all join together in our mutual hatred for that man and stop with these petty protests and calls for me to vacate my position. We’re all in this together, so let’s calm down and appreciate that we don’t have to deal with that dirtbag Hosni Mubarak anymore. We won guys, remember? It’s over! We ousted him from power, and should feel pretty proud of that. I may not be the greatest guy in the world, but I am not Mubarak. And that is all that you people should really care about at this point.



Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect opinions of real people.



 

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