Weird News

VIDEO: Obama Security Guard Revealed to be Shape-shifting Alien
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In a video delightfully entitled “OBAMA ALIEN demon UFO ghost 666 devil SECRET SERVICE,” Obama eerily says Israel’s security is sacrosanct, etc., while something much more nefarious is allegedly going on in the foreground of the video. That bald edgy security guard you see in the foreground? Hey! He’s not human! And we have proof.

The video is unclear as to exactly what non-human presence we have, but seems to suggest we are dealing with a shape-shifting reptile from outer space who is serving as guard for President Obama – suggesting also perhaps some intergalactic situation tantamount to an illuminati conspiracy.

The video comes from a March 4 speech to the American Israel Public Affairs committee, spoken by a text-to-speech program that this “could be a shape-shifter alien humanoid working for the powers that be, caught in a high-definition video during an even of the Zionist cabal.”


Shape-shifting reptiles entered the rhetoric of tinfoil hat conspiricists after the creative work of David Icke, who was especially obsessed with the notion.

Though the video does show the dodgy character, who shifts on his heels quite a bit, perhaps edgy to be protecting the leader of the free world, there is one camera shot where the supposed human gets distorted, indicating, no doubt, that his shape-shifting device has a glitch.

“I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” said Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security council, e-mailing Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service of Area 51 for more details.” Was she being glib? Or earnest as the blue sky above?

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The narrator would suggest the latter. “Even though at first sight he looks like the average Secret Service spook, a series of odd features on his head, face, plus a very strange behavior and creepy movements suggest something else.” The narrator then notices that “his ears, his nose, his chin, cheekbone, jaw and mouth are no longer looking human at all,” from a different camera angle.

What does this ultimately mean? That we are certainly dealing with some being “shape-shifting into some sort of reptilian, nonhuman form,” whose technology is on glitch. This means that “at least one extraterrestrial race is pulling the strings of mankind.” At least one – no need stepping on the toes of other conspiracists!

Determining what species we are dealing with is another matter. Is it an “Actual reptilian humanoid? … Is he an Annunaki?” (Babylonian deity ancient alien). “Is he a tall grey bio-android?” Hard to tell. That he could be a human being, however, should be discounted entirely. That’s just what they want you to think! As Wired notes, one commentator thinks we could be on to a “genetically engineered super soldier or human-animal hybrid.”

I would imagine if the poor bastard runs across this video, his girlfriend might cheer him up and say, “You don’t really look like a genetically engineered, super soldier human animal hybrid, Annunaki, reptilian shape-shifter whose technology is glitching! You will always be my teddy bear!” Let’s hope he find some consolation in her gesture.





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