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Man Sees Wolf Blitzer Every Day

According to his family, coworkers, and his own admission, Jim Mcintyre, a contractor and resident of Staten Island, New York, sees Wolf Blitzer every single day of his life.

“I like to watch CNN to keep up on the news. I’ll usually have the Situation Room on when I get home from work, or in the background during the weekend”, said the man who has not gone a single day since 2006 without seeing the bearded visage of CNN’s veteran news anchor.

“I really trust him to tell me what I need to know”, added the man who has spent more cumulative time looking at Wolf Blitzer’s face than those of his wife and children combined.

Mcintyre says he first saw Wolf in the 1990s, when he worked as the White House correspondent for CNN. He says back then, his relationship with Wolf was not quite as routine.



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“Back then I would only see him a few times a week. It was light and fun in the old days…nothing too serious at all,” said McIntyre in an exclusive interview with JDJournal.

“But once he got the gig on the Situation Room, things really got taken up to another level. At first I wasn’t sure I would be ready to see him so much, but it’s been over a decade and things are going really well,” he said.

[MORE JOKES: STUDY: It too Late to Stop Global Warming, We Should Just Give In to Our Certain Doom]

Ira, McIntyre’s wife, says she used to see Wolf as a threat to their relationship, but has since come to appreciate his presence.

“At first, I was definitely concerned about all the time my husband was spending with Wolf Blitzer. I saw him as trying to destroy our happiness,” she admitted.

“But with him around all the time I have to admit Wolf has really grown on me. Now we can be with Wolf together… and those times are out of sight.”

JDJournal reached out to Wolf Blitzer for comment, but received no response. His publicist, however, sent the following email to us:

Wolf Blitzer appreciates the support of his fans across the globe. He knows that without them, he could not be where he is today. Wolf is especially appreciative to Jim McIntyre of Staten Island, whom he knows watches him every day. Wolf wants to say that he appreciates Jim’s dedication, and that Jim makes him feel beautiful. Wolf loves you, Jim.

(Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting).

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Jonah Lustig Posted by on March 31, 2014. Filed under Home,Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

 

 

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