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Opinion: Thank God it’s the Weekend
by Chris Christie
Yeesh, what a week! Boy, some days at work are tougher than others, but this week was like a bad day marathon! By Thursday I wasn’t sure I would even make it to the weekend!
But somehow I survived, and thank God, it’s Saturday! Oh yeah! I am ready to forget about work problems and do some hardcore relaxing this weekend!
I know many people who carry problems from work around with them when they’re off. I say what’s the point? Why sit around worrying about work problems when the office is closed, save yourself the needless stress and anxiety!
I mean, sure, I could spend my weekend losing my mind about this massive bridge scandal that has completely soiled my reputation and very possibly sabotaged my chances of ever being elected for anything at all. Hell, I doubt I could win an election for Sanitation Director of Detroit at this point.
I could spend these two days making desperate calls to advisors and forcing my interns to tell me I didn’t look like a sniveling corrupt loser as I stewed in my own poorly manufactured guilt during my public apology. I could rack my brain for some desperate strategy to dig me out of this political hellhole.
But that’s not how I live. I like to separate my work life from my home life, and this weekend is going to be all about partying hard and chilling to the max!
I think the first thing I’ll do is take a nice long bath. Yeah, that will feel really nice. I might get out my old radio and put on some Bruce while I sit there and just zone out for a bit.
You know, I might even make a salami sandwich, and bring it into the tub. My wife won’t be happy about it but she knows about the stress at work and I think won’t judge me too hard this time. Mmm…yeah…salami and lots of mustard…
Oh, and the NFL playoffs are on this weekend! Woohoo! Football! Football! Aw I’m gonna get a big fuckin pizza and get the bros over. I got six grand on the 9ers baby so let’s go!!! How does that Fox song go? Bah da dup ba daba! BOOOOOHHHHH! Bah da dap daba da!!!
Whether San Fran wins or loses I’ll probably get loaded tonight. Then tomorrow morning…oh…I know! I’ll take the kids out to IHOP! They love that place…ohh my mouth is watering thinking about the 5 kinds of syrup. I might even do whipped cream on my waffles….and hot chocolate. Oh yeah. That sounds great.
Then I’ll probably fish and drink on Sunday, taking it real slow to be ready for Monday. And do I think I will have a good week at work? Absolutely not. This ‘exposing my corruption’ shit is just beginning. But tell you what, when I roll out of bed and get my coffee started, I’ll be ready.
Because this weekend is a party at the Christie house and everyone’s invited. Just please, leave your politics at the door.
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect the opinions of any real people.Opinion: Thank God it’s the Weekend by Jonah Lustig