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Well hello there, fellow globetrotters! Travelling Ron here, with another exciting update from my escapades across this great nation. I spent last weekend in the charming town of Sherwood, Alabama, and am ready to share my experience with you. So sit back, relax, and enjoy another adventure from Travelling Ron!
Ron Visits: Sherwood, Alabama
I arrived in Sherwood with one goal in mind: take some much needed R&R from the messy and humiliating divorce proceedings my ex-wife Joni and I are currently involved in. As soon as I arrived in the cozy Alabama town, I knew it would be the perfect place to get away. Tall oak trees, cozy homes, and scenic bridges welcomed me to Sherwood and helped put my mind at ease.
My first stop was to check into my room at the Winfield Family Motel and Diner. Let me just say, they are not kidding when they call it a ‘family’ lodging! The lobby was filled with kids and parents…smiling and laughing together….undoubtedly sharing the joy that comes from being in a warm and loving family…I too, had known that joy….once…
The next morning, I woke up early to get in a full day of sightseeing! My explorations began at the Sherwood Zoo. I thought I arrived early enough to beat the crowds, but wouldn’t you know the place was littered with kids on school trips, parents, and of course, animals from all over the world as soon as I arrived! Needless to say my smile as I entered the place masked a deep self-loathing stemming from my pathetic hatred of their loving relationships.
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After a brief discussion with Dr. Regina Applesworth, the resident zookeeper, I headed down to Banana Tom’s Monkey Cafe for lunch. There I ordered a peanut butter sandwich and a ‘Kooky Ape Soda’- a mix of water and Sprite. As I drank, I became lost in thought…thinking of meals spent with Joni and the kids in the past…during simpler times…
Then I caught a glimpse of shadows in my periphery,  just behind the wooden cutout of Banana Tom…could it be? Yes…lovers…entwined in an embrace, pure affection, how divine! There beside the bamboo enclosure near the wild birds, they shared a private moment. My eyes, like two thieves in the night, stole the lovers’ candid sublimity and twisted it into a portrait of jealousy, a narrative of shame and selfishness.
Oh, to love again! To know that sweet sensation! Oh, to feel that gentle touch! That loving gaze!
Oh, Joni! Am I doomed to I wander this earth alone forever? Must I travel to beautiful locales only to be confronted with the fact that they cannot match your splendor? Your beauty? Your god-given grace?
Oh, curse the fate of the lonely traveller! Curse the empty days, the passionless evenings! The unbearable nights…what did I do to deserve this? When will it end? Oh, when will the draining misery at the pit of my soul be quelled once and for all?
…well, that’s all I have for this week! Hope you enjoyed reading about my rowdy adventures in Sherwood, Alabama. And join me next week, when I head on up to Carlisle, Michigan to get a taste of some more local flavor!
Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting
