Manatt Adds Deven McGraw to Healthcare Practice
Manatt Adds Deven McGraw to Healthcare Practice
Put Your Trust in Attorney Resume
Put Your Trust in Attorney Resume
Samsung Argues over Inflated Patent Damages
Samsung Argues over Inflated Patent Damages
Former Deutsche Bank Salesman Admitted to Bribery
Former Deutsche Bank Salesman Admitted to Bribery
Job Listings

Local Nine-Year-Old Weirdly Into Politics

According to his friends and family, local child Damian Jones has a profound interest in the happenings of the government and lawmakers; so much so that those around him are beginning to question the boy’s unusual passion.

 

“It’s a little unnatural, to be honest,” said his aunt Lisa Soto.

 



Get JD Journal in Your Mail
Subscribe to our FREE daily news alerts and get the latest updates on the most happening events in the legal, business, and celebrity world. You also get your daily dose of humor and entertainment!!


“He is always pestering people to get into a discussion about Obamacare, or the national debt. If it were an adult, I would be slightly bothered, but coming from a kid it’s just kind of weird.”

 

Jones’ parents say their son first became interested in politics during the 2008 election, when he was only four years old. They say he would watch speeches and repeat rhetoric from politicians.

 

In the years since, he has taught himself about how the government works, and regularly watches CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC to keep up with hot-button political issues. Despite his knowledge and interest, however, Jones has no immediate plans to enter politics.

 

“I wouldn’t refer to myself as someone who seeks to be a politician…but find me a lawmaker who would,” he said with a smile and an off-putting wink for a child his age.

 

“I kid, I kid. I would say the idea certainly appeals to me, but for now I am focusing on rounding out my stances on issues. I just had an invigorating argument on an online forum with some East Coast liberal nimwit who had the gall to tell me that redistricting local congressmen in certain blue states would help raise minority voter turnout. Ha! What an idiot!”

 

Claire Pederman, Jones’ elementary school teacher, says the boy’s intrigue is rare for children his age and presents a unique opportunity in the classroom.

 

“Quite frankly, it’s kind of annoying,” she said.

 

“He’s always blabbing on about some congressman, or new law, or whatever. I know I’m supposed to cater to the intellectual interests of my students, but in this case I just have to tell him to shut up every now and then and work with the paper mache like everyone else.”

 

But Jones said his teacher, and his classmates as well, just don’t understand politics.

 

“When I went to run for student council president, kids were only interested in issues like candy and recess,” he said.

 

“So maybe I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough to win. Well, elections are not about popularity contests. Ok, I guess they are. But maybe they shouldn’t be…ah just forget it.”

 

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect factual reporting.

Did you like this? Share it:
Local Nine-Year-Old Weirdly Into Politics by

Tagged: ,

Jonah Lustig Posted by on December 12, 2013. Filed under Home,Humor,Law Firm News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.