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Nothing at All Happening in Youngstown, North Carolina

Sources from around the nation are reporting that there is nothing happening in Youngstown, North Carolina at this very moment in time. The small town, which is situated between two larger districts in the northern part of the state, has a few dozen residents, several businesses, and a Wal-Mart. But according to the latest updates from local affiliates, nobody is doing anything and there is not much happening. Ron Barker, an anchor for a local television news affiliate close to the area, confirmed the report in an earlier broadcast.

“We are fairly confident that there is no discernible news taking place at that location. As far as we are concerned, there is no real reason to pay any attention to Youngstown, North Carolina at this moment. There is nothing going on.”

Reports from earlier in the morning detailed that a few bikers were crossing into the area through ‘Darnmoth Park’, which stretches across the southern border of the town. Since that report, however, there has been no news on the status of those bikers or of anyone or anything else that exists within that location.

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“I should say, we have not entered the area, otherwise we would report that there were a group of reporters looking around Youngstown, North Carolina,” Barker continued on his program.

“So in reality, we cannot even say we are confident that nothing is happening. That is because any validation of that assertion would mean that we went there and looked into it. It is our station’s wish to remain unbiased in this story, so we will not be going into Youngstown to report about whether or not there is definitely nothing going on in the town. Instead we will just report that nothing is happening and remain convinced that it is true.”

What does this mean for residents of Youngstown, North Carolina? While there have been attempts to contact these people, all so far have been unsuccessful. Barker speculates that these people may not even live in the town in the first place.

“If you believe that nothing exists that cannot be perceived, than you may be able to draw the conclusion that Youngstown, North Carolina and its residents do not exist. If a tree falls in Youngstown, North Carolina, we cannot be sure that anyone would hear it and for that reason the tree and the entire town may only be a concept which we can imagine but does not exist in physical reality,” he continued on in his report.

“In fact, I haven’t even heard of the town before this broadcast. Why are we talking about this to begin with?”

Local authorities from neighboring towns have urged Youngstown residents to come forward with any information they have on the current status of the town, but none have responded to the request. In the meantime, there is nothing further to report on the status of Youngstown, North Carolina.

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Jonah Lustig Posted by on August 15, 2013. Filed under Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

 

 

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